thoughtful, mellow, contemplative

Rebirth of the Livejournal...

I have been absent from Livejournal for what seems like, and probably is...months. However, despite the fact that I have been neglecting to write down the fun and exciting as well as sad and horrible events of my life, there has been alot happening. Where to start..?

I'm 17 now, if that makes any difference. My lovely friends threw a surprise b-day for me, which was really amazingly sweet.

Lily was here a few weeks ago. She stayed for about a month. I thought it would be weird when I saw her but in actuality it was great fun. We both realized how good of friends we are still, and we got along really well. We only had one fight and it was over a pair of tweezers, so no harm done. We took a shit load of pictures and layed around for most of the time. She got some sun. heh. WE hung out with Lana a few times too, which was good. Lily has got this amazing power over people, and she also just makes them feel so good about themselves. She was always telling me how beautiful I was and we are physically really close, which was nice in Kyle's absence. I need hugs regulary.

Speaking of which, Kyle was just here as well. He left last night, after being around for about a week. I stayed glued to him every moment I could. God I love that man. Every time I see him I realize that by staying with him I am doing the best thing I can do for myself. He makes me so incredibly happy and brings this feeling into my life that I've never experienced before. Though he may frustrate me from time to time, I have realized recently that he is one of the most amazing and sweetest men I will ever have the chance to know and love. I dont adore absolutely everything about him, and his need to be right infuriates me sometimes, but the love and devotion I have for him far outweighs anything else. He makes me laugh and cry and feel so GOOD. I love the hugs, and I fit so perfectly in his arms. He even helped me dye my hair. Hehe. I'm in love, and I dont care if I sound stupid! He is so amazing. And I know that there's great potential in him, and he will never cease to amaze me. God, I miss him already. Its hard sleeping alone and not waking up next to anyone. When he was here, all my problems and worries melt away. I love him! I love him I love him I love him!

Whew. Sorry. Kindof a rant there.

So, I'm moving. By the end of summer I will be happily enrolled in Churchill High School, in Eugene OR! There is no end to the immense excitement I have about this. Dad is moving over with me for about half a year. I am gonna finish early, and get some of my shitty college classes out of the way. I am going to have so much fun in a real high school with such a variety of different courses offered and stuff to do in town! Oh god it will be great! Eugene is awesome, and I can't wait.

It will be sad leaving, though. I WILL miss my friends.

Oh, and Tash got accepted to Western Washington! Apparently my influence helped.
  • Current Music
    The sounds of my own typing...

Survey....stolen from birdy...

Using band names, spell out your name

Appearance (my own)
Height: 5'7"
Hair Color: Dark brown with redish tints
Skin Color: coffee-ish
Piercings: none
Tattoos: none

Right Now
What colour pants are you wearing?: grey witha happy face on them
What song are you listening to?: X-files on tv
What taste is in your mouth?: Orange vitamin c candy
What's the weather like?: slightly cold
How are you?: Sniffly, amused

Do You
Get motion sickness?: yes, in boats
Have a bad habit?: haha. A couple, I suppose.
Get along with your parents: um.. Its been hard recently

Magazine: I like Cosmo... *hides* But MAD too!
Soda: gingerale
Thing to do on the weekend: take a day for myself or be with friends

Have You
Broken the law: probably a few stupid little things..
Ran away from home: No, but I threatened to once. The reply was "There's the door. Go for it."
Made a prank phone call: Yep!
Used your parents' credit card: yeah, dad's to order stuff.
Skipped school before: Indeed.
Fell asleep in the shower/bath: nope.
Been in a school play: Just finished.
Ever had a major regret: Um, cant think of any at the time.

Girlfriend/Boyfriend? Boy. My hunny, darling, know, all that mushy crap.
If so, their name?: That would be Kyle
Children: Not yet, please.
Are you/have you been in love?: Yeah.
Had a hard time getting over someone: yeah.
Been cheated on?: No.
Cheated on someone?: No. I'm careful. There's been thoughts, but... I'm pretty loyal.
Your greatest regret?: Acting like my mother.

Do you have a job: Nope.
If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: I think purple.
What makes you happy?: people, Kyle, being alone, singing by myself, doing something really creative
Who makes you the happiest?: It really depends.
What's the next CD you're gonna get?: Yeah, like I buy CD's anymore.

When / What was the last
You kissed someone?: Um.. Nt counting parents, last tme Kyle was here.
Someone kissed you?: Saturday night, at Borders. Silly Trinity. Body of a god, though.
Time you cried?: A few days ago.
You got a real letter?: Um, I dont know.
TV program you watched: Futurama
Movie you saw at the theatre: Ocean's wasnt as bad as everyone said it was.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
thoughtful, mellow, contemplative

Why is it when it's raining that I feel so inspired?

I want to paint, dance, write, exercise, sing... Then I want to cuddle, snuggle up to someone warm and watch movies.

I miss Kyle. Here I am, missing him all over again. However, I know its worth it. I have never been more convinced that its worth it than when he first came back and we hugged. It felt like it was a dream, and suddenly I remembered how much I love him and missed him. I realized that its worth it. I just...*sigh*

I hate thinking that I'm a stupid young kid. I hate thinking that I'm exactly like every other idiot teenager when I think I know what I'm talking about. My family thinks I dont know what I'm doing. I think I do, at least with some aspects of my life.

My parents... Oy. Every time I come here my family always gets on my case about them. I'm tired of defending them or even talking about them.

ERic got me a digital camera. A nice one. I'm happy. And Sandy and Grandma got me clothes. Good clothes. Clothes that look awesome on me. And Sandy bought me sexy underwear *smirk* She's enjoying me as the daughter she never had.

Oh, thats another thing. Whenever I'm here I'm treated as if I'm still a little girl. I broke my uncle's delusion about me being completely innocent. I think I did it because he was seriously pissing me off by being too attending, if that makes any sense. Everyone here is constantly asking me if I'm okay, if I need anything, opening doors for me, carry stuff for me. It is nice, but it also makes me feel helpless, and I hate that feeling. They dont understand that I'm growing up, or I suppose they dont want to.

I've been feeling inspired to work on our comic book. Not draw it, just think about it, I suppose. I need a laptop. It would be cool to finish and Kyle would like it.

I love him. I really do.
  • Current Music
    stupid commercials

University of Oregon...

...Is SO incredibly Awesome! I love it! I love the college, I love the town, I love the fact I can wear warm clothes! I love it all! I wanna go here now *whine*!!! GO DUCKS!


And I forgot something.

I dont know what it is... But all the people who have known me since I was younger still treat me as if I'm younger. Often, yes..I AM younger then them. But I'm not just some silly little girl. It's frustrating when people don't trust you enough to tell you things. Argh.
thoughtful, mellow, contemplative


In my life, there are many things that confuse me. Things that make me think. Things that make me so happy, and so many other things that make me sad.

High point of my day:
...This morning I awoke to a foot massage. Yah. You tell me a better way to wake up. A foot massage in the morning given to me by the man I love the most..

...Playing with Kyle in the river. Joking about me being dead. (Don't ask. It was funny as hell.)
...Watching Outback Jack with my daddy. As well as those "Target DOG!" commercials.

Low Point of my day:
We drove all the way to Kipu falls, only to find it closed for the day. So, I got no waterfall and I had to listen to my boy and his friends talk about video games most of the way home.

...Sitting around, waiting for them to finish drafting.
...Having Natasha leave Kyle's house way to early.

So ya.

Anyway.. People are very strange. Really, they do the weirdest most inexplicable things. For instance, today we were in town and the guys were in Software etc... And I was browing in Jeans Warehouse. Now, as I was looking through the racks of clothing, I noticed a man outside. Sitting there. Staring at me. He wasn't...checking me out, or anything. Just...Watching. Except he didn't move. I didn't want to seem like I was flirting so I tried to best to actually be able to tell if he WAS staring at ME. I never looked at him, just around him...I was trying to pretend as if I hadn't noticed. It was very odd. I felt like a small animal being examined through a glass box. Very weird. Luckily, Kyle came to get me shortly after.

Kyle is odd as well. He does this thing where he is doing something (i.e. playing magic) and says something like "almost done!" in an exasperated I'm- so-glad-this-stupid-thing-is-finally-over tone. But the thing is.. I KNOW he is enjoying every bit of it. I just find it amazing how many different faces people wear every day..even with people that they trust and are comfortable with. It doesnt really bother me, I just find it interesting.

I'm really sick of things.. Just....everything. I want, I think. I want a new surrounding. I want towns, and parades, and fucking autum as well as actual seasons.

Susan left yesterday for the mainland. It sucks, because I'm gonna miss her. Anyhow, we were talking and she said that it seemed like I was ready to get the hell out of here. It's just an island. The sad thong is happens to be that this is probably the most beautiful place I will ever live in my life. At the risk of sounding unpleasable...That's not enough for me.

Friends are annoying as well. Just my little girly ones, really. I cant be myself with really any of my friends. I don't understand why there's not one person other than Kyle who I can be comfortable with. I know Awtar and I got along.

Ah yes...and Awtar. I swear, that girl can be flighty sometimes.

I dont want my friends to get hurt but they just constantly get themselves into icky messes. The only messes I tend to have in relationships are the ones I make.

  • Current Music
    "Those Sweet Words"- Norah Jones

My birthday...

...Was great. We drove to the Hyatt after school on friday and stayed at the beach for awhile, then went to the room. My mom had this psychic lady talk to all my friends...She got all this stuff for facials but we just ended up going in the hot tub and staying there for about 4 hours talking.

Girls are funny. They love to share little details and secrets, and it's inevitable when you get a bunch of them together. It's nice, though. It's good to bond.

After the hottub we ran around, then went back to the room, watched a movie and fell asleep. It was more fun than it sounds like.

In the morning we went swimming and Kyle and Alex met us there. It was nice, I gotta hang out with my boy. Tash was happy as well. After we checked out a bunch of us went to see Van Helsing, which was entertaining enough. They have NICE seats in the theater.

Ah..the little things.

Then, to end the weekend nicely I hung out with Kyle and played video games.


That stupid play is over. God, My weekend was pure hell... It was only made worse by the fact that it was nice and sunny outside.

Anyway, I suppose the play was kinda fun. Kinda. I was on the verge of killing half the performers, and I think I may now be known a the backstage "shh" nazi. *sigh*

The first performance sucked. REALLY. So many things went wrong and so many lines were missed, both mine and other peoples. And we never got the music for the lovescene. Also, I think I saved the scene a few times because people forgot their lines.The second show was so much better. SO much better.

Anyway, I'm glad its over. Hey, I can focus on SCHOOL work. Fun. And Kyle...

Oh, Kyle...

Tash hit a vain today when she mentioned yet again that my parents let me do everything. As great as it may sound, it's not all that easy. What it really means is that my parents just dont want to deal with me every now and then. I guess I hang out with Kyle all the time because he makes me feel like he cares. Hmm.. After typing THAT, I think I've actually realized why I have problems with him and not paying enough attention to me.

Maybe I'm psychologicaly scarred. All goes back to the parents, doesn't it?